情欲超市全文阅读 国表里毒舌女王大PK（双语）
凭借《金星秀》中的“口无庇荫”迅速走红的金星堪称“毒舌女王”，殊不知国际也有和金姐相通利害的“毒舌教母”琼·里弗斯（Joan Rivers），在这里我们分歧摘选了她们的十句名言情欲超市全文阅读，望望谁的毒舌功力更强。
*琼·里弗斯语录*
I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware. 我作念了这样多整容手术，等我死了以后他们不错把我的遗体捐给特百惠（家用塑料成品公司）。
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. 我从不考验。如果天主念念让我弯弯腰，那他必须在地上铺满钻石。
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud. 前卫杂志残暴女东谈主穿安妥我方年龄的一稔。如果是这样我岂不是要穿裹尸布。
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash. 我的产科大夫太蠢了，在我生孩子的时辰他竟然健忘剪断脐带。遵守阿谁孩子足足跟了我一年，我走到哪她跟到哪，险些像是牵了一条狗。
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery. 我但愿我能有个双胞胎姐妹，这样我就能知谈莫得整容的我是个什么容貌。
I'm grateful for every day I'm still alive. Everything is still working. I attribute it to eating a lot of processed foods. I think it's the preservatives that keep me going. 我每一天都为我方能辞世而感德，通盘的器官都能泛泛运行，我把这归功于吃了好多加工食物。我以为这都是防腐剂的功劳。
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day. 我的丈夫但愿身后被火葬。我告诉他我会把他的骨灰撒在尼曼市集，这样我才略每天都去看他。
Look at Gwyneth Paltrow being named the most beautiful this year. She got Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder to vote. 格温妮丝•帕特洛竟然被评为最好意思女性，给她投票的一定是海伦•凯勒和史蒂夫•汪德。（两个东谈主都是盲东谈主）
My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it's missing, and what's there stinks. 我的爱情生计就像一块瑞士奶酪。大部分是空泛的，剩下的是臭的。
I said to my mother-in-law, “My house is your house.” She said, “Get the hell off my property.” 我对我的婆婆说：“我的屋子便是你的屋子。”我婆婆说：“滚出我的屋子。”
乱伦强暴*金星语录*
等我男儿长大了，我会告诉她！如果一个男东谈主醉心你挤公交，埋怨你不依期吃饭，一直辅导你少喝酒伤体格，暗澹天布置你放工回家注重安全，生病时发搞笑短信哄你……请不要理他！然后跟阿谁不错开车送你、生病陪你、吃饭带你、放工接你的东谈主在一皆……嘴上说的再好不如干一件实事！我们都已过程了耳听爱情的年齿。 When my daughter grows up, I will tell her this: If a man says he feels bad because you commute in a crowded bus, complains that you don’t have meals regularly, keeps reminding you that drinking too much is bad for health, tells you to be careful on your way home on a rainy day, sends funny messages to you when you are sick in bed...Just ignore him! Stay with the man who drives you to work, accompanies you when you are sick, takes you to dinner, picks you up after work...A thousand sweet words are nothing against a real thing. We all have passed the age that takes words for love.
东谈主要贵，一稔再贵没灵验。 Expensive clothes are useless if the person wearing them is not noble.
女东谈主，该给你的都会给你，还没给你的，等着。恭候是一门常识。 Woman, everything meant for you will come to you. If they have not come, just wait. Waiting is a skill that is learned.
像我们靠谱少许的端午节中秋节是好的，西方节日你那么欢快干什么，你看当今什么都是节日了，烦不烦啊？什么父亲节，母亲节，只身节，吉利夜，确凿瞎折腾，贡献你妈还分日子的啊？ Some festivals in our country, such as Dragon Boat Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival are good enough. Why are you so excited about western festivals? It is tiresome to have so many festivals—Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Singles’ Day, Silent Night...which are indeed a waste of time and energy, who needs a special date to give presents to his/her mother?
一个女东谈主，物资上不依赖你，精神上不依赖你，那么求教你，要你干什么？对女东谈主不要条目太高了。又好意思又会作念饭的，那是好意思的电饭煲。又可人又历久不会老的，那是樱桃小丸子。又经济寥落又以你为中心的，那是你妈。又好意思又可人又会作念饭又历久不会老又经济寥落又以你为中心的，那是你妈正用着好意思的电饭煲给你煮樱桃小丸子。 If a woman does not depend on you for material or emotional support, then why does she have you? Don’t be too demanding on women. Who can be beautiful and good at cooking? Midea electric cooker. Who can be cute and never grow old? Chibi Maruko. Who is economically independent and put you first? Your mum. And who is both beautiful and cute, good at cooking and never grow old, economically independent and put you first? It’s your mum using Midea electric cooker to stew Chibi Maruko for you.
东谈主不犯我，我不犯东谈主，东谈主若犯我，礼让三分，东谈主若再犯，片瓦不存。 I will never attack others if they leave me alone. If other people attack me, I will respond with politeness. If they attack me again, I will chase them to the end of the world.
30岁的女东谈主穿一稔毋庸重技俩，要可贵面料，30岁的女东谈主若是莫得男东谈主爱，那么一定要找面料好的一稔来坦护我方。 A 30-something woman should care less about the style but care more about the fabric when she buys clothes. If a 30-something woman has no man to love her, at least she has clothes of good fabric to protect her.
腾贵的女东谈主看她的鞋。紧密的女东谈主看她的指甲。性感的女东谈主看她的香水。气质的女东谈主看她的腕表。拜金的女东谈主看她的包包。理性的女东谈主看她的著述。聪颖的女东谈主看她的拿手菜。猖厥的女东谈主看她的寝衣。小资的女东谈主看她的化妆包……我看完发现我不详不是女东谈主！赶快掏建树份证一看，性别：女。心里才平安了些。太阻遏易了，相通没占，活的还挺带劲的！ Judging a noble woman by her shoes, an exquisite woman by her nails, a sexy woman by her perfume, an elegant woman by her watch, a money-worshipping woman by her bag, an emotional woman by her writings, a virtuous woman by her specialty dish, a romantic woman by her pajamas, a woman with petty bourgeoisie sentiments by her makeup bag…Upon reading this it suddenly dawns on me that I may not be a woman! I take out my identity card and it comforts me to see the gender is “woman”. It’s so rare for me to be a woman who is none of those and still live a great life!
逸想迅速延迟，自我的内核却越来越弱。我看得太多，好多所谓的名女东谈主都是“国际物流”，背后就拖着几大箱集装箱，内部什么都莫得，便是“装”着。她们被抬得很高，然则经不起晃。我只念念脚平安地地走，对确切的坚捏会成为我的保护神。 As the desire swells rapidly, the inner self is weaker and weaker. I have seen too many famous women who are “international logistics” essentially. They are towed with a number of big containers, which are all empty but they pretend they are not. They are carried so high but cannot stand a little shaking. As for me, I want to walk on real ground, and protect myself by sticking to reality.
当年韩剧三宝车祸癌症治不好，当今是长腿欧巴爱洗沐。 The magic weapons of Korean TV series in the past are car crashes and cancer which is incurable, nowadays the magic weapons are handsome young man with long legs who enjoy bathing.
（中国日报网英语点津 丹妮）情欲超市全文阅读
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